28/07/2026
👷♂️👷♂️🚧🚧 HERE WE GO 🚧🚧👷♂️👷♂️
I’m sure we put a job vacancy post out more often than the labour government makes a U turn but here we are again.
Due to continued growth and the inept ability to find the stray fo****in in a Jewish boarding school we find ourself seeking a couple of experienced ground workers for full time employment in the Gloucestershire area. (Although not confined to may I add.)
All the usual conditions apply:-
* If you’re still taking colostrum off your mother-DONT APPLY.
* If drink and drugs are more important to you than brushing your teeth- DONT APPLY.
* If you 23 and have 65yrs experience in everything from cooking school dinners to heart surgery-DONT APPLY.
* If you can’t get your lazy ass out of bed then stay voting for the green party and DONT APPLY.
* If you’re old, fat, lazy, ugly and stink-DONT APPLY (because I’ve filled that position already).
However let’s end this on a good note:-
DO APPLY IF-
* You have experience in Groundworks,
* You are punctual and well kept.
* You have a full uk driving licence.
* You can work as part of a close knit team and be self motivated.
* You have a uk passport or visa,
* You don’t mind working out doors.
* You have a sense of humour.
* You have relative qualifications such as cscs, cpcs, sssts, smsts, first aid at work, street works etc.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank you for your time in reading the above and if we do not reply to your email or message about a position it’s because we don’t like you. 🖕😁😁.
Kind regards (Head of HR).