06/11/2023
Hello,
I woke up and started talking to myself and today I felt like I should actually see if my phone would let me post it before it went dead. I’m sure someone can relate to this.
I have had very few but the most important friends or as I call family help my family and I recently. Those few but life changing people I want to acknowledge and say Thank you. It might be 20 dollars or the most important at times, just picking up the phone as I ramble on giving myself the answer in the end of the call. Thank you so much and God bless your souls.
What I write next is not me in anyway describing a poor me but a glimpse of how I became the resilient and grateful man that I am today. Also in no way am I perfect or better then anyone reading this. I am only a child of a mother like the rest of you. A mother who was described as a ho**er but i grew up to see a woman who sacrificed her soul and reputation to feed me and to keep me out of the rain. A woman who was misunderstood by her own and displaced by others who were not willing to defend. Either way, I grew up in Hollywood California and raised by the “hoodlums of society, the Outkasted” ho**ers, pimps, transvestites as most have giving there names. In a child’s eye they were kind they fed me they watched me as on nights my mothers shame and self respect were misplaced. They showed me humanity and taught me to be patient. I never saw what they once were but who they have become.
I watched my mother cry. I watched her real shame for her choices and decisions. I watched her wipe tears away and smile at me as if those painful tears were only that. When deep down I knew they they were mountains that no other person in life could push so easily to the side. I also knew she loved me.
I later in life lost her and people who
Claimed to be my family turned their backs on that ho**ers son. And I was left to survive on my own. And god bless the things those ho**ers, pimps, and others taught me. I had to steal as morally as I could. Yes, people who steal do have standards. Sometimes more then others who don’t. I made children and I didn’t know what that came with as a man but I still felt the shame as a human for doing what I should have, because of course the world is filled with people who
Line up to tell you how horrible you are for this. Shame stained my soul. I became homeless and was forced one day to eat from the trash and my heart was filled with anger and spite. Why would my family let me eat from the trash. Regardless I did. I cried and I laughed and I will never forget looking in that trash to find boxes filled with chicken wings of all flavors that someone put to the side. I found cartons of kerns juice filled and sealed with nutrition that gave me strength to continue the next day in searching for shelter. I dealt so blessed and so loved by the ones above me who did not judge. They were they’re when others weren’t. I fell asleep in the dirt one day and woke looking like a genuine bum. As I walked across a parking lot people pulled they’re children closer. That day I stared at the floor because I couldn’t bare seeing and feeling their thoughts. What they thought was far from the truth.
I found a check book on the ground as I search the ground for anything that helped being the only place to find help those days. That check book started a life time of crime that led me to prison where I spent the majority of my life. I will continue this short message (being sarcastic) over weeks to come but again thank you to the ones who have helped and took the time to not see a ho**ers son but a man who lost her mother named Sarah who never for one minute let myself and soooo many others believe what the world has tried to convince me that I am..
