02/25/2026
Closed due to weather
We regret to inform you that we were compelled to close our business yesterday due to temperatures that fell to an almost unbearable level below 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Our team, thoroughly unaccustomed to such conditions, immediately declared a state of emergency, retrieved long-forgotten parkas from storage, and seriously considered igniting small ceremonial fires for survival.
Fortunately, the forecast promises a swift return to civilization today, with temperatures expected to climb above a positively balmy 60 degrees Fahrenheit. This should allow us to resume operations without further risk of frostbite, hypothermia, or the excessive application of blankets.
We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience caused by this brief arctic incursion. While much of the nation contends valiantly with snowdrifts, ice scrapers, and existential questions about global warming, we here in Florida endured the severe hardship of persistent sunshine, swaying palm trees, and the distant, terrifying prospect of perhaps needing a light sweater.
We look forward to welcoming you back under far more hospitable skies. Thank you for your understanding.
