10/29/2026
Dear Jose,
I broke bread with your family for the first time this year. It was a surreal experience that would take me an additional two decades to put into words, but I wanted to share the consensus of what I learned on this, the 20th anniversary of your death.
Ill start with meeting a miracle. Last year, for the first time since I've started visiting you, I had the privilege of meeting your Wife, Son and Daughter. It was a surreal experience that left me doubting if I had been serving my own purpose with these trips or in your honor. I couldn't help but feel guilt that I had not been there for them, spoken to them, or provided them with anything after your passing.
That guilt was easily visible as I spoke to your family then. I could barely look them in the eye as I explained how I grew to call you brother. It was then that your daughter said the darndest thing that I have ever heard. She never asked who I was, she never sought validation from any of us. Instead, this 20 yr old woman invited a large group of PTSD ridden war vets to her 21'st birthday party which happens to share a weekend with your passing.
I've spent the last year debating on if this was a good idea or not. I didn't think that I would be emotionally strong enough to joyously participate in such a personal event, but I got together with this group of grunts, and we decided that we would make it happen. Never have I been more pleased to have been proven wrong.
Jose, for the first time in 20 years I feel like I am in the driver seat of my own life again. I have allowed depression, anxiety and sloth to dictate my every action for two decades and I feel that most of that was due to unfinished business on my end. I made my peace with you a long time ago, but there was something that I was not able to tackle myself. I was not able to force myself to pick up a phone and contact your family to ensure that they were ok. As a brother I failed you there.
Your family reserves every right to be bitter and to tell me to give them space on these trying weekends. What they did instead was accept all of us with open arms and dialog. In doing so I was able to finally see that, being Perez's, they were not only doing fine, but they were growing and thriving. I was able to learn that they have level heads and a general understanding of your sacrifice, and that they do so without malice or content. In seeing this I felt a thousand tons lift from my shoulders.
I gave this post a good two weeks to make sure I could say what I wanted to say. Its still hard to describe but, to me, I feel that life can happen in the blink of an eye if your not careful, or if you allow the world to throw blinders on you during the moments you should be taking in. We plan to have many more of these moments with you and your family in the future.
To the Perez family. Thank you all so much for the amazing weekend, I cannot wait until next year. I love you Brother, Ill see you then.
