08/26/2026
Day 3 – The Great Shopping Betrayal
From the travel journal of Hamish MacSlothy, aka Sir Sloth-A-Lot
Good morning, world travelers!
Apparently, the humans do not appreciate my outstanding sloth humor because this morning they left me behind while they went shopping. "By accident," they claimed.
Sure. And I suppose sloths are known for sprinting marathons. The betrayal is real. Rude!!! The worst part? I was only trying to save them from themselves. As a sloth, I own exactly one outfit. I've worn it every day of my life and nobody has complained. Humans, however, apparently require seventeen jackets, twelve pairs of shoes, and an emergency suitcase for the other suitcases.
My inner Luggage Enforcement Officer was screaming:
"STEP AWAY FROM THE SHOPPING BAG, MA'AM!"
Yet the luggage saga continues. They're already discussing purchasing another suitcase from TK Maxx in Edinburgh. At this point, I suspect the luggage is multiplying on its own.
I don't want to bore you with discussions about shopping and luggage, but honestly, it fascinates me. I finally understand why so many male humans sit around shopping centers looking absolutely miserable while their wives shop. They're either trying to keep their partners happy, or they're already in trouble.
Honestly, malls should have a Husbands Preservation Society lounge. Perhaps that's why pubs were invented: a safe place for men to wait while their wives continue the shopping expedition. I have no evidence to support this theory, but as a sloth, that has never stopped me before.
Anyway, I digress.
Today was primarily a travel day as we made our way north to Edinburgh on a five-and-a-half-hour train ride through the English countryside.
I love the rolling hills, stone walls, tiny villages, and endless green fields. However, there are only so many hours a sloth can stare out a train window before beginning an existential crisis.
Around hour three I became convinced the same sheep had been following us across the UK.
Around hour four I started naming cows.
Around hour five I closed the blind and accepted that the countryside had won.
Since not much exciting happened beyond train travel and a very important dinner reservation tonight at The Witchery in Edinburgh, I decided to entertain myself with something every human dreams of:
Historic building restoration facts.
I know. Try to contain your excitement.
Fun Fact #1
Many historic buildings in London are hundreds of years old. Keeping them dry and protected from water damage is an ongoing challenge because these structures were not designed with modern waterproofing systems.
As someone who once got caught in UK rain for approximately three minutes, I can confirm that water is persistent. Nothing a native of the PNW can't handle!
Fun Fact #2
The Tower of London is nearly 1,000 years old.
If a pipe burst in there, I imagine the restoration bill would be slightly larger than my humans' shopping budget. Although, after observing my travel companions' shopping habits, perhaps not by much.
While wandering around London, Edinburgh, and Glasgow, I couldn't help but notice how remarkably well many of the historic buildings have been preserved. Everywhere you look are structures that have survived centuries of rain, wind, fires, wars, and generations of humans making questionable decisions.
Naturally, this got me thinking about my friends at PureDry Restoration. Edinburgh is practically one giant restoration success story. Between Edinburgh Castle towering above the city, the stone buildings along the Royal Mile, and centuries-old churches scattered across the capital, there are countless examples of preservation done right.
As Hamish MacSlothy, internationally known sloth of mystery and now part-time architectural consultant for PureDry Restoration, I can appreciate the effort.
Keeping Scotland's history standing is no small task. If PureDry Restoration ever opened an Edinburgh office, I imagine their slogan could be:
"PureDry Restoration: We've Seen What Happens When Humans Say, 'I'll Deal With It Later.'"
After extensive research, professional reflection, and a three-hour strategic nap, I have concluded that I am uniquely qualified to serve as PureDry Restoration's future Edinburgh Branch Manager. I currently hold a Bachelor of Science in Advanced Napping and Energy Conservation and expect to complete my secondary degree in Project Management and Strategic Procrastination in 2027.
My award-winning thesis paper, "Water Is Bad: A Comprehensive Study of Why Buildings, Like Sloths, Prefer to Stay Dry," is
Received absolutely no criticism because nobody could stay awake long enough to read it.
Sorry for my "Oh, squirrel!" moment. Let's circle back to the important topic: my employment.
Boss man, Edinburgh may be the greatest PureDry market opportunity in human history. It rains sideways here. Sometimes it rains upwards. I've even seen rain considering additional career opportunities.
What's my restoration experience, you ask? Excellent question.
First, I have spent my entire life avoiding water damage.
Second, I possess an extraordinary ability to identify damp environments. If a room feels moist, I don't go in it.
Third, I have successfully preserved the same amount of energy since birth.
My management philosophy is simple:
Step 1: Inspect water damage.
Step 2: Determine if it can wait until after lunch.
Step 3: Take a strategic recovery nap.
Step 4: Hold a meeting about the nap.
Step 5: Schedule a follow-up nap to discuss the meeting.
Unlike humans, I don't rush projects. If a building has been standing since the 1500s, another three-hour nap isn't going to hurt the timeline.
In fact, Edinburgh's ancient stone buildings and I have a lot in common. We're both old, slow-moving, suspicious of moisture, and occasionally make strange noises when getting up.
Therefore, I believe I am uniquely qualified to become Director of Napping, Moisture Mitigation, and Moral Support for PureDry Restoration, Edinburgh Division.
Plus, I look great in a kilt. Honestly, it's just one more reason I'm the obvious choice for Edinburgh Branch Manager.
In the words of the PNW Native for whom Hamish MacSlothy is named, Sir Mix-A-Lot:
"Bark like you want it!"
BARK! BARK! Boss man!
That's two references and a formal application. At this point, I'm basically interviewing.
As I was saying before my "Oh, squirrel!" moment, of course, after seeing all these ancient buildings, I began wondering whether restoration crews ever discover hidden treasure behind walls. The humans informed me that this is extremely unlikely.
Personally, I think they just don't want me volunteering for "investigative demolition."
Then again, if anyone understands preservation, it's a sloth. I've been preserving my energy for years. Speaking of restoration, our stay in London was at the historic Apex Temple Court Hotel.
While the hotel feels beautifully modern inside, the building underwent a major £20 million renovation project between 2010 and 2012. Before that, it had served as office space following substantial renovations in the 1950s.
The surrounding Temple district has a fascinating history. Many buildings in the area have been rebuilt, repaired, or restored over the centuries due to fires, war damage, decay, and the occasional human mishap.
A restoration company's dream project.
Most of the buildings visible today date from the late seventeenth through the mid-nineteenth centuries, with a few notable exceptions, such as Temple Church and some post-war construction.
Even now, you can still spot original architectural features, including fireplaces, wood floors, and portions of the historic exterior stonework. Behind the ancient gateways, however, you'll discover surprisingly modern courtyards and brick facades. It's history hiding in plain sight.
Now we arrive in Edinburgh.
Our lodging is located at Bishop's Close, just off the Royal Mile, and this building has enough history to make a history professor need a lie-down.
The site has housed homes, businesses, and public spaces for hundreds of years. The area traces its roots to the medieval layout of Edinburgh's Old Town and has connections to bishops, nobles, merchants, and even Henry Dundas, Viscount Melville, who was born here in 1742.
One particularly fascinating feature is a restored stone lintel that bears the inscription:
"BLISST BE YE LORD FOR ALL HIS GIFTS" — 1578
The property has been rebuilt, restored, altered, partially demolished, reconstructed, and adapted numerous times over the centuries; essentially the architectural equivalent of surviving several seasons of reality television.
Today, much of the building has been modernized, but there is one thing that remains unchanged: the smell.
Two of the humans stayed here last year and can confirm the building smells exactly as old as it is. Everyone reading this knows the smell: that combination of ancient stone, centuries of history,and something that may or may not be a suspicious growth lurking in a dark corner where sunlight has not reached since the Jacobites were around.
Now that you've learned about two of the historic buildings we've stayed in, things are about to get even older.
Later in our journey, we'll be visiting a village whose history stretches back nearly 2,000 years and whose last residents were still living there in the 1970s. To see it, we'll be crossing the water by ferry. Hopefully, I can meet a puffin friend or catch a ride on a whale.
This raises many important questions. Mostly: Do they have Wi-Fi? Is there a Starbucks on every corner?
I suspect not. Thankfully, as a sloth, I remain adaptable. As I prepare for more sightseeing, I am left with one final observation:
The castles are older than my country.
The churches are older than my country.
The apartment smells older than recorded history.
And somehow... the humans still think they need another suitcase.
At this point, I am beginning to suspect they didn't come to Scotland for the history at all. I think they came to test the maximum carrying capacity of international airlines. If one more piece of luggage appears, I will be forced to open an official investigation.
Until tomorrow, this is Hamish MacSlothy, Sir Sloth-A-Lot, signing off from Edinburgh, where the buildings are centuries old, the weather changes every seven minutes, and the luggage count continues to rise faster than property values.
Should I suddenly disappear from future updates, please check the nearest suitcase. The humans have reached a luggage-to-passenger ratio that scientists previously believed impossible. At this point, I am less a travel companion and more a carry-on accessory. If you hear faint screaming from inside a Samsonite, that's probably me. Or another suitcase attempting to reproduce.
— Hamish MacSlothy, Defender of Wallets, Enemy of Excess Luggage, Director of Suspicious Growth Investigations, and Future International Manager of PureDry Restoration (whether Boss Man realizes it yet or not).
-My fabulous photo helping my human, Stephanie, write this because I hold a degree in Advanced Napping and firmly believe typing is an unpaid internship
